Mallorca: Week One

Greetings from Lagomonte Hotel in Alcudia, Mallorca. I´m not really feeling very inspired today but thought I would seize the moment and get on the internet whilst I could. There are 811 other guests staying at Hotel Lagomonte 83% of whom appear to be under the age of ten and all are internet savvy. Indeed they seem able to play on the internet and their PSPs at the same time. I´m actually rather jealous. So there are two computers and about 700 children, five of whom are currently swinging on the back of my chair reading every word I write (STOP IT!). The other 655 have formed an orderley queue on the floor in reception waiting for an sign of weakness, or hesitation from me upon which they will leap up on me as a pack and tear me from limb to limb then log on to facebook whilst simulataneously defeating the wicked Zogg. The queue is similar to the sort of thing you see at Wimbeldon when people want centre court tickets (and the outfits quite similar - plenty of Union Jacks on display). You get the impression that some of these kids have been waiting here a long time... Their parents don´t seem to mind. Their parents don´t seem to mind much at all. And why should they? Lagomonte (can somebody get a definition of that word for me please?) is an all-inclusive deal. I mean in the sense of food and booze rather than inclusive in terms of everyone gets involved. I´ve seen some pretty savage bulying and child abuse already. Most of which happens with an easy trivialness which chills. It´s meant to be a holiday after all.

Moving on....

The weather has been spectacular apart from today when I think it actually rained. It is certainly overcast. Which of cours it would be as today is my first day off. I´m not complaining as I am nursing a hangover which has knocked me for six. I dragged the cameraman, Billy, out to a couple of night spots to escape the hotel entertainment (so far we have seen birds of prey pararded around, bingo (nightly) and a rather amusing parrot show which involved various parrots doing various tricks). It´s slightly shochking the way these animals are traeted but I spoke to someone with authority and they said the animals get treated better than the children. So at least thats something...

Back to last night, so in true Spanish style things only pícked up about 2am we went to two nightclubs which were relatively busy. Details are hazy but I remember falling/being pushed/jumping/dragging someone else into a paddling pool size water feature. I was soaked through but somhow the two mobile phones I had in my pocket survived their wash. I think we got back to base about 7am. So I don´t mind that it is overcast. At least this way I don´t feel guilty I didn´t go on an excursion.

We have seen some geunine spanish culture, which is no easy feat in Alcudia as it is overrun with tourists. Apparently 50 years ago it was all swamps around here which they reclaimed and put hotels for British swamp life to stay at for two weeks a year. It´s a perfect regression. Like that Guiness advert but played in reverse.

On our first night we happened upon the only bar with Spanish people in and settled in for a drink. We weren´t made to feel particularly welcome but I reckon that´s because they noticed our Lagomonte all inclusive wrist bands and assumed we weren´t up to much. By the end of the night we were laughing, joking and singing with them. One of the guys was the local drug dealer. One, Francsico, was a hippy who was telling us all about the glory years of Ibiza and would burst into spontaneous song with accompanying frenetic hand movements. There was also a man who had a (I forget the medical term) a tube through his throat so he can breathe. I´m not sure if it was a result of throat cancer but it was incredible to see him smoking through it. Extra points for perserverance...

I´m running out of time in different ways - so on to the work. We are doiny 12 hour days, three hotels a day. Filming the rooms and facilities. My job is easy. Logistics and directing kids to jump into pools etc. One week done three to go. It is a great way to see the island, learn a bit of Spanish and work on my tan. The money is good too. I´ve a job lined up when I get back so this is a holiday really.

I´ll have to leave it there for now. Kids, do your worst.

over and out